How to Get Out of Your Own Way


By Lucy Allen

Lucy Allen Life Coach

Do you know the number one thing that gets in between a woman and her dreams? Herself.

We believe we don’t achieve our goals as a result of not being smart enough, talented enough, pretty enough, experienced enough or worthy enough and yet this is the reality we create for ourselves through our own mindset.  

We need to close the confidence gap.

We need more women to wholeheartedly believe in themselves so that the only option available to them is success.

So how can you get out of your own way and into a positive mindset where you’re unstoppable?

Own your brilliance

If you think you’re brilliant at something, you probably are and it’s time you started owning it.

As women, we’ve apologised for the things that make us extraordinary for too long. We’ve kept our clever wit, ambition, intelligence, looks, humour and generosity on the DL for fear of upsetting others or appearing boastful but ironically, it’s these traits that the world is craving. 

Think about Queen B for a minute. Imagine if Beyonce only sang in the solace of her shower. If she responded to every “you’re an amazing singer” with “no I’m not, you’re a great singer.” We’d never have heard “who run the world?” or understood the true appeal of a black leotard and that my friends, that would #bey a crying shame.

Just as it would be selfish of B to her to hide her talents from the world, it’s totally unfair for you to only ever show 60% of your brilliance. Others won’t benefit from all that you’re able to offer and you won’t ever fulfil your potential. 

The first step to owning your brilliance? Accept compliments – all it takes is simple ‘thank you’ or ‘that’s very kind of you to say.’ Stop telling yourself, and others, that you’re not as brilliant as you appear.  

Celebrate good times 

Did you know that our brains are conditioned to seek out the negative in every situation? They think that they’re protecting us by always being on the lookout for danger when instead this type of thinking prevents us from seeing the good.

We need to retrain our mind to look for the positive and the quickest way to do this is to celebrate. By celebrating the small wins of our day – an achievement at work, a new opportunity, a moment when we stepped outside of our comfort zone or stood up for ourselves – we reinforce positive thinking and build confidence in our abilities. Whatever the feat, it’s worth celebrating.   

The first step in celebrating? Express gratitude for something big or small each day. Write it down or say it aloud and in doing so, you’ll quickly find more to acknowledge about your world and your achievements. 

Silence your inner mean girl  

Every person on this planet has an inner critic or inner mean girl. She’s that voice that tells you you’re not good enough, you’re a fraud and you can’t do it. She typically pipes up right when you’re on the cusp of something amazing as her number one goal is to keep you still.

All too often we respond to her in one of two ways. We ignore her in the hope that she’ll go away or we replay her taunts on repeat. Very rarely do we stand up to her and challenge what she’s saying and as a result, she just grows stronger. Is it any wonder we lack confidence and feel bad about ourselves?

It’s time to speak to ourselves in the same way we’d speak to a friend – with love, kindness and compassion!

The first step to silencing your inner critic? Create a set of positive mantras that you can use to challenge self-doubt. These might be something like “I am in control, I am capable and I am worthy” and “I got this!”

Find your tribe

If you believe what they say – “you’re the average of the five people you spend the most time with” – then you’d wanna be damn sure you’re surrounding yourself with people who lift you up, allow you to be your best and are a whole lotta fun!

Whether we like it or not, we’re greatly influenced by others. Other people can affect our way of thinking, our self-esteem and our decisions and if these relationships are toxic or not built on solid foundations, they can be hugely detrimental to our happiness.

Find the people that make you feel good about yourself and invest your time and energy into them. They may be the difference between success and failure or at the very least, how much of a rager your dinner parties are.

The first step to finding your tribe? Conduct a relationship audit and you’ll quickly see who is worth you while and who you need to cut. Savage but a happiness game changer.

Lucy Allen Life Coach

by lucy allen - The graceful collective

Lucy is a Life and Career Coach inspired by the belief that there’s got to be more to life than the daily grind.

She's on a mission to open the eyes of women around the world to the possibility of living life on their terms. She wants to empower women to dominate in the career they were born to have, enjoy the loving home life they deserve and revel in a relationship with themselves that’s unshakable.

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