How to build a loving relationship... with yourself


By Keely Merrett

Love Yourself

Our world is changing it’s view on self love and self care. The view that being self loving and doing things every day that restore your energy and make your soul happy is becoming more and more accepted. No more thinking ‘it’s selfish, you don’t need it', or 'self care is for people who aren’t strong’. 

I am all for this shift in perspective in society! However, I found I actually had to learn what it even meant and looked like to embody a loving relationship with myself... I had no idea how to even do that, as don’t many of my clients

As a Mindset and Empowerment coach I am asked questions all the time such as; ‘What is self love?', 'How do I do it?', 'What if I don’t have time for self care?’

When we’re not embodying self love it can feel terrible. It can feel lonely, sad and scary because we’re operating out of fear of everyone and everything instead of out of love for ourselves.

Being self loving goes way deeper than doing nice things for yourself or doing something you love. Self love is felt at a soul level. 

So how do we do it?

Here are the top three ways I found supported me to build a loving relationship with myself. 

1. By listening to our soul, heart, or inner guide. 

When was the last time you took a moment to stop and ask yourself - ‘what do I really want?’. 

Take a moment now and ask yourself. What you hear is your soul talking and what you’ve just done is created space to listen. 

The act of listening to yourself is one of the most self loving rituals you can bring into your every day routine.

Our soul is our true self and knows what we really desire and need. Often we don’t hear what it wants to say because our mind is preoccupied with everything else going on in our external world or is listening to our fears. 

Being self loving means creating space to listen to what your soul truly desires before allowing all the other influences in our external world to decide how we’re thinking and feeling. 

Some of my favourite ways to listen to my soul are to create quiet space for her to come forward through journaling, meditating and going for walks. I simply listen without judgement to what she wants me to know. 

Questions such as; “What do I really want?” “What would you like me to know today?” and “What is my truth?” are perfect to use to ask your soul to come forward and speak to you. 

2. By taking aligned action and keeping your promises

Taking aligned action on what your soul wants and desires is the next step in building a loving relationship with yourself. 

It is when you truly embody self love by listening to yourself and then GIVING yourself what you want.

It also means keeping your promises to yourself. 

I never realised that each time I told myself I’d make nourishing food choices but didn’t, or skipped a workout that I love doing, or scrolled my social media before bed when I’d set the intention to read, that I was actually breaking little promises to myself. 

No wonder I felt low and unhappy. If someone else broke promises to me all the time let’s just say they wouldn’t be in my life for very long! I had no idea I was doing it to myself..

Being self loving is turning your soul’s desires into aligned actions and following through with them. 

It means showing up for the person you want to become and the life you want to create. It’s making these actions non negotiable because you deserve your own love and are capable of creating everything you desire. 

3. Honouring what you need

As women we are cyclical beings, meaning during each of our personal months we experience four different seasons and so many different emotions and physical feelings.

A big part of having a loving relationship with yourself includes respecting what your mind, body and soul are telling you they need and honouring them. 

I absolutely love Claire Baker’s ebook Adore Your Cycle and it has taught me so much about what is going on for my body during each phase of my cycle.

I learned the hard way that fighting what was happening for me biologically was not going to get me very far! 

I now choose to honour my cycle and how I feel at each phase. Some of the ways I am self loving throughout my cycle include; scheduling most of my work during my ‘Summer’ aka most productive week and going to sleep an hour earlier during my ‘Autumn’ (pre menstrual week) because I know I get really fatigued during this time.


Building a self loving relationship with yourself is a journey and takes time. It involves changing ways you have been doing things and rewriting old thought patterns. Be patient, kind and LOVING to yourself during this process. Know that you are learning and doing the best you can. 

Most importantly, always remember you deserve your own love gorgeous girl. 

Much love,



Keely Merrett


Keely Merrett is a Mindset and Empowerment coach, writer and speaker.

She works with women who want to find their truth, own their stories and live life feeling free to be their true selves.

She helps women take aligned action, make self loving choices and reconnect with who they really are to create a life they truly love.